Some people around us constantly belittle others and make them a figure of fun. When it is done deliberately, writes communication specialist Shahana Huda Ranjana in a Bangla Tribune column, it is 'gaslighting': pressure on a partner's mind so heavy that they begin to doubt what they saw, felt and remember, and their own judgement. In the writer's view, this urge to control others by belittling them is a form of mental illness.
She writes that the behaviour is most common in marriages and romantic relationships and is a major weapon of domestic abuse. Her example: a man insults his wife at home and in public, then says 'you misunderstood'; after repeated denials the victim starts to distrust her own perception. Husbands can be targets too, for instance through constant suspicion and surveillance.
Gaslighting is not the same as disagreement, she notes: victims speak up at first but then withdraw. Parents who call a child stupid or useless in front of others also destroy the child's confidence. Breaking a capable employee's confidence to control them at work, or mocking people's age, looks, clothes, ethnicity or beliefs, are other forms she describes.
For a way out, she passes on psychologists' advice: gather evidence for your own account, talk to trusted friends and people close to you, keep recordings where needed, seek help from support centres and psychologists, and stay in touch with family and friends so the abuser cannot spread a false story. Gaslighting is part of coercive control, she concludes, so even though it is not easy, one should try to leave such a relationship.
The views in this column are the writer's own.
Source: Bangla Tribune
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