"The financial and family pressure is such that I sometimes feel I would keep my family going even if I had to sell a kidney."

These words came from a man in his mid-thirties or older who did not want to be named. He has been earning money for his family since he was in class seven.

For years he has been responsible for his parents, two sisters, his wife, two daughters and even his in-laws. He said he often feels like "a plough bullock".

"In our country people raise cattle for four reasons: for milk, for meat, to plough and in the hope of selling them for money," he said. "Boys are raised the same way, so that when they grow up they will earn, feed the family and look after everyone. Parents seem to raise sons in the hope of getting something, some kind of return. That is why there is so much pressure on boys."

He carries this "burden of pressure" silently and has found his own ways to cope.

"When I am in mental pain, I do not show it to anyone. When mental pressure comes, I perform wudu and pray two rakats. Then I cry on my own. To this day I have not let anyone in my family understand that I am suffering."

A man will earn money for the whole family, carry everyone's responsibilities, succeed in life and make decisions for everyone: social scientists say this social learning of how to become a man places a huge burden on his shoulders from birth.

He is expected not to break under this pressure and not to show weakness.

Sociologist Samina Luthfa explains why men have carried this learning from generation to generation.

"We call this a gender role," she said. "Society has divided labour between women and men. The question is why society demands this of him, and to answer that we have to go a long way back."

Source: BBC Bangla. First published in Bengali on The Agro News.