An unhappy relationship can hurt the body as well as the mind, with bitter arguments disturbing sleep and raising the risk of chest and muscle pain, BBC Bangla reports. A happy relationship can improve health and even lengthen life, while an unhappy one slowly damages health and raises the risk of early death, a risk seen as equal to or greater than smoking or not exercising.
Research shows the things couples argue about tend to stay the same throughout a relationship. Carrie Cole, a psychologist and research director at the Gottman Institute in Seattle, says they may be about money, raising children, sex or who makes decisions, or small things like how tidy the home should be. In a long-term study by psychologist John Gottman's team, 69 per cent of couples were arguing about the same kinds of issues four years later.
Disagreement is not bad in itself; happy and unhappy couples both argue. The real difference, research suggests, is how partners treat each other. Cole describes four behaviours that signal a break-up and can destroy a relationship, though they can be fixed if both want to. One study found that constant criticism from a partner was significantly linked to early death.
On the other hand, tackling problems with respect, curiosity and empathy can strengthen a relationship. Feeling that a partner listens, supports and understands is linked to greater satisfaction. A 20-year study of married couples found that making decisions together and sharing housework equally were linked to greater marital happiness and fewer fights, and bitter arguments were linked to poorer sleep while constructive ones were linked to better sleep.
There is evidence therapy helps: about 70 per cent of couples who have couples therapy see positive effects. Jay Lebow, a couples therapist and professor of clinical psychology at Northwestern University's Family Institute, says a sign that therapy is working is better talking and listening; partners saying 'I understand why you feel this way' and being curious about each other give grounds for hope. In one of Cole's examples, a couple who both grew up poor kept fighting about money until therapy helped them hear the different dreams and goals behind it.
This report is based on reporting by BBC Bangla.
Source: BBC Bangla
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